- Zoe: Usually loudest, Zoe is a spoiled, contrary, antagonistic, snarky smartass, age 15, who’d basically prefer to be reading and thinks everyone is a moron. Zoe doesn’t care, and wants you to know it – she’s happy to rain on any parade. Like most teen girls, her sole weakness is the opinion of a particular very cute boy...whichever cute boy it happens to be that day.
- Eppy: a 6-year old tomboy who just wants to play, and wants everyone else to play with her. She can be insightful in a painful, mouth-of-babes kind of way, but mostly she is confused as to why everyone is standing around.
- The Machine: Turn it on, watch it go – it’ll keep doing that, whatever “that” may be, for hours and hours and HOURS. Eating, exercising, watching TV, anything. The Machine has no soul and no preferences: it’s just following the last known directive until new orders arrive.
- Xena: Anything you can do, she can do better. Xena is hearty, competitive, violent, hugely strong, and has a protective streak, especially towards Eppy. She may be the only one who can give as good as she gets when it comes to Zoe’s snarkasm: however, she’s not particularly bright, and likes to solve problems by beating them to a pulp. Xena's not really clear on her age, but she's pretty sure she's in her late 20s. The others would disagree, if they were brave enough.
- Constance: my biggest fan, a matronly, portly 50-something who can not only find a silver lining, but can manufacture one out of thin air in order to rationalize anything anyone has done. To Constance, everything is the bees’ knees, and nothing we do could possibly be wrong. She likes crafting and quiet Sundays at home, and has a bit of romance in her soul. She is also, inexplicably, Southern.
- Cindee: YOLO, babe! Cindee’s motto is SCREW IT! Life is short! She uses a lot of exclamation marks!! She is particularly fond of beer, hanging out, karaoke, and generally doing anything other than what she should be doing. She craves adventure and stimulation, and can be the life of the party, but can get on self-destructive benders. Cindee's also a sexual predator, and that's led her to some very odd places. Her specialty is manipulation, but she can usually tell when she's beat. She is Zoe's nemesis.
- The Professor: Has some grand ideas, and gets stuck in the theoretical. She can be abstract to the point of distraction, but has some useful big picture perspective, and will likely be useful in determining causal relationships between the Crime and the facts. The Professor likes numbers and facts, logging meals and looking for trends, linear results and straight lines. She’s not great with the details of every day life, however, and her curiosity sometimes takes her on some unhelpful tangents.
- Narcissus: a fragile, hothouse artiste, Narcissus is easily hurt and willingly martyred. She can be temperamental, proud, and sneaky, but will usually be soothed with praise or presents…like pizza. She doesn’t purposely sabotage anything, but sometimes her best intentions go horribly, horribly wrong, after which she can be counted on to point fingers and sulk about moodily until someone tells her it’s okay. But she loves beauty in all things, maybe if only as a reflection of her own self.
- Jane: manages the Circus as best it can be managed. Jane gets things done. She’s alert, pragmatic, strategic, reasonable; can be an adept negotiator and diplomat, though she's not especially gracious. And unfortunately, she also disappears with little warning from time to time, leaving the lunatics in charge of the asylum. Where does she go? Does she have another job? Does she just need time off?
- Black Dog: She comes and goes.
- Your Humble Narrator: Someone has to do the detecting around here.
You are welcome to join the party. Though I suspect you have your own arguments going on.
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